How to Date In the 21st Century
by theemoocow
Summary: A vacation is what Nick Fury calls it, but for Earth's mightiest heroes, readjusting to the real world can be just as painful as cognitive recalibration.
1. Pie Bribes

Time off—that's what Directory Fury had called it, and almost demanded out of the group. _The Avengers_ was their unofficial name, but after Tony Stark took the liberty of buying the rights to the name, it looked like the title would stay. Regardless of what the world was calling them, Nick Fury had a point; the Earth's heroes needed to disappear until the situation calmed. It had only been a few weeks since the portal above Stark Tower had been closed, and the clean-up process wasn't going to be any easier for the Director if he had to perform public relations on six so-called-superheroes.

For Steve Rogers, this leisure time would be spent readjusting to the new time period he found himself in. Since waking from his 70 year slumber, he had little time to really study anything he encountered, and it left him feeling _all-brawn_ and _no-brain. _The relentless teasing from the others didn't help either; it was if they purposely spoke phrases or jokes that would go right over the Captain's head. Regardless, Steve knew he had to grow accustomed to this new life if he ever wanted to find some kind of happiness ever again.

At first, Steve stayed in the apartment suite in Stark tower that Tony had offered him, but between his constant pestering and questions and pure boredom, he didn't stay cooped up in the business for long. Outside, on the streets of New York, he wandered, and started to question just how much he had missed. He wondered, to himself, if _he_ was the alien from another world rather than the beings responsible for the attack on the city. For the most part, he started coming to his own conclusions about new technology and customs that he saw, sometimes not wanting the real answer to what he saw. In a journal he had, he kept his thoughts, hoping one day he would understand.

One morning, he got an early start, making sure he didn't run into the Stark CEOs on his way outside. These walks around the city were mostly aimless, and almost daily, Steve found himself lost in parts of town he knew he shouldn't be wandering. For once, he was determined to get a good map of the city and find new spots he could be comfortable in.

The area around Stark tower had been cleaned up relatively fast, but as Steve wandered further away, in a direction he hadn't travelled before, he noticed not all the destruction had been erased. Almost every block had some kind of damage to it and it developed a horrible guilt inside him; sure they had defeated the enemy, but at what cost?

At the end of the block stood another building, and as Steve neared it, he noticed a group of people cleaning up the rubble surrounding it. Initially, he stepped to avoid the small crowd, but upon a second glance, he noticed the word _volunteer_ marked on a banner that hung off a table where a woman handed out flyers. Quickly, he snatched a pamphlet and raised an eyebrow at the map depicted on the paper. It looked like a normal street map of New York City, but with multiple red circles drawn over various spots. On the other side, a picture from Steve's past stared up at him as he took another glance; "The Star Spangled Man", in full costume, being used in a similar way it had been back when it was taken, for recruitment.

Steve glanced up again, observing the people in the building. It was something he always did, but now, more than ever he felt like he needed to learn people's motives as soon as possible. They were ordinary people, and suddenly he felt guilty- it was his mess to clean up, not theirs. He looked back to the map in his hands and sighed.

"Are you planning on volunteering?"

"Oh," A little startled, Steve looked at the woman in front of him and frowned. "I'm not sure," he mumbled. Nervously, he scratched his head and observed the small smile she developed, as if she was amused.

"Well we could use the help," she paused before laughing, mostly to herself. "We started offering food like apple pies for people's time, but even that isn't working,"

_Apple pie_—Steve shook the thought out of his head, a little embarrassed he could be so influenced by such a bribe. Then again, it _was_ his favorite food, and in-between Tony's love for the exotic and his lack of cooking skills, Steve didn't always get a good meal.

"A whole one?" he attempted to joke and chuckled when the girl copied him.

"Of course," she replied before raising an eyebrow. "Mister…" her voice trailed and Steve snapped his gaze back to her, a little startled while reprimanding himself for being so impolite, especially toward a woman; _especially _toward a woman offering him food.

"Rogers," he offered his hand for her to shake and grinned. "Steve Rogers," he clarified.

"I'm June Arthur," she replied, gripping his hand with her own in return. "Kind of like _June Carter_," she added. Steve felt his expression falter at her words; another reference he didn't understand.

"Sorry," he apologized, before taking his hand back. Now he felt sheepish. "I'm not uh… good with names," he tried. June only offered a smile before placing the flyers she had been holding in her free hand on the table.

"Then just think of the month," she offered. Steve couldn't think of a good enough response and thought he had lost another opportunity to meet new people when June turned around. But when she twisted back with a white box, he tried not to act like a kid with candy as he noticed the pie through the clear top window. "Consider this advance payment,"

Almost on purpose, Steve took his time gathering the box in his hands, wanting to watch June a little more closely. She seemed to trust him enough to be nice, but the more he stared at her smile, the more he thought she was probably just a nice person; something he found comfort in. He only gave it a passing thought, but with one more glance to the clean-up crew behind her, he committed to the situation.

"When can I help?" he finally asked.

June's eyebrows jumped, as if she was surprised he was actually interested. A brief moment of guilt wracked him and he stole a glance at the baked goods in his hands before looking at her again. Already she had developed a pen, and without question, she started scribbling atop the box. He kept it steady and attempted to read what she was writing.

"Whenever you are free," June answered, before tapping the box with her finger, right over the place she had written. "Just call and I can tell you where the next project is," a small tint came to her cheeks and Steve wondered why _she_ felt embarrassed. "That's _my_ number,"

"Oh," Steve responded, still confused by her sudden meek look. It wasn't like he was intimidating, was he? He swallowed hard, a little worried. "Thank you," he spoke.

"I better get back to work," June moved to pick up her stack of flyers once more, but paused, almost allowing him to have the final word. Calmly, Steve thought about a polite but modern farewell.

"It was nice meeting you," he smiled, and turned away only after she returned the gesture.

Without noticing it, Steve started walking back toward Stark tower, hardly taking his eyes off the apple pie in his arms and the line of numbers at the corner with a tiny signature; June. The pleased expression stayed with him almost all the way back to the apartment suites at the top of Stark tower. It wasn't until he noticed Miss Potts sitting in the large common area that he breathed out, not wanting to look _too_ excited.

"Hello Steve," she greeted, offering a small wave as he stepped to place the boxed desert on the kitchen bar.

Pepper didn't pay any extra attention to his new belonging, and instead glanced back to her laptop and pile of paperwork. Anxiously, Steve stared at her phone sitting at the end of the desk before looking at the number on the box.

"Can I use that?" he asked, and Pepper momentarily glanced at where he was pointing before nodding.

The _iPhone_, as Pepper called it immediately confused Steve, but he wanted to at least try to figure this all out on his own first. He didn't like asking for help, especially when it came to technology. Still, he only managed to get as far pressing the only button on the phone before feeling lost. _Slide to unlock_—what could that mean?

"Steve," Pepper's voice made him move his vision to her, and he could only guess how dumb he looked. "Do you need help?" she questioned, already standing up. It was no use denying it now. Steve nodded and handed the phone back to her. "Are you trying to call somebody?" she asked. Again, Steve felt giddy.

"Y-yeah," he answered, hand on the back of his head as he gestured to the pie. Pepper leaned over to read the note on the box and almost immediately, she widened her eyes, staring at him with a bewildered look.

"You met a girl?" the pitch in her voice rose, but Steve didn't understand her surprise.

"She gave me a pie," he responded. Pepper's eyes only widened further before knitting her eyebrows together. "What?" he asked. She only grinned, obviously entertained.

"Steve you are so naïve," she whispered, before messing around with the phone for a moment. "Here," she handed it back and Steve observed the numbers that were on the box, now on the screen of the phone. "When you are ready, just press the green button," she explained.

Steve gulped, suddenly feeling nervous. The last time he took a phone call, it was in the 1940's; he wasn't sure what to say. Almost as if Pepper could hear his thoughts, she tilted her head.

"If it keeps ringing, and you have to leave a message, just tell her to call this number back," without missing a beat, she breathed to explain herself further. "She'll understand," she finished.

Finally, Steve pressed the green button, and what he assumed was out of curiosity, Pepper lingered. Holding the phone to his ear, he listened to the multiple rings, and wondered just what he was waiting for. Finally, he heard June's voice, and parted his lips in anticipation to greet her, but found it was just what Pepper had said, a recording of sorts. There was a beep and Pepper waved at him, motioning him to speak.

"Ah, um," he swallowed hard again. "Hello June, this is Steve, uh Steve Rogers, just calling, like you said," he paused, at a loss for words. Pepper looked at him with worry before softly whispering words to him, and luckily, he caught on, repeating them to the phone. "You can call me back on this phone at any time," he finished before rushing a goodbye.

Steve felt strange as he pulled the phone away, but Pepper smiled, encouraging him. She took the phone back and fiddled with it some more, and Steve looked back to the box. After a moment, Pepper chuckled. He relaxed, but only for a moment as the doors to the lounge area opened, and Tony entered. As always, he seemed to be in good spirits and grinned widely at them.

"Pepper, my lady," he laughed, pressing a hand to her back and kissing her cheek. Tony glanced to Steve, his other hand pressing to his shoulder. "Steve, my man," he somewhat teased. Steve shifted away a little, still unsure of the man's motives. "What's this?" Tony greedily moved the box to him, but paused, immediately noticing the name and number on the box.

"Steve brought it home," Pepper hesitated, silently apologizing in advance to Tony's incoming and probable teasing.

"_June_," Tony read and slowly, a devious grin appeared on his lips. "You took a woman's pie?" he laughed, and Pepper's expression flattened. Steve ignored him, and moved to take the box back.

"She _gave_ it to me," he insisted. Pepper raised her hands between the two before Tony could respond.

"Just," she exhaled and shook her head. "Stop talking," she snapped, walking back to her desk.

Tony took a long look at Steve, which he returned before they were both distracted by the sound Pepper's phone started to make on the counter. Before Steve could realize what was happening, Tony grabbed it, grinning madly as he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Stark Industries, Pepper Potts' phone, Mr. Tony Stark speaking," he smoothly spoke. Both Pepper and Steve moved to chase after him as he moved, and quickly it turned into a small game for Tony as he jumped on top of furniture, rushing around the room to avoid them. "_Oh_, you must be _June_," Tony laughed, and ducked out of Pepper's grasp. Steve stalled, not wanting to break anything as Tony stood on top of the kitchen counter.

"Well, Steve _just_ stepped out, but," he paused and only chuckled at both Steve and Pepper's looks of hatred. "You are more than welcome to come visit him here,"

Pepper gave up and moved to comfort Steve who was now regretting even leaving his room that day. Tony only spoke on the phone for a while more, but didn't attempt to apologize as he tossed the phone back at Pepper.

"What have you _done_?" she snapped, and pushed at his shoulder roughly. Steve remained calm, even though his mind was racing with unanswered questions and much unwanted fear. Finally, he glanced to Tony who was still grinning from ear to ear.

"I did Steve a favor," he simply answered. "Maybe now he'll get laid,"

With that, Pepper smacked the _Iron Man_, which only amused Steve for a moment before he weighed the pros and cons of what his day had really entailed. For once, however, as he looked back to the white box that held the apple pie, the food he loved so much, he found that same comfort June had inadvertently offered him in such a short amount of time. Perhaps Tony _had_ done him a favor, but it was something Steve would never admit.

* * *

**A/N: I am please to introduce this story to you, readers. It is mostly a comedy set after the events of Avengers, during the team's time off. All the events happen at the same time, but each chapter will focus on a separate set of characters. Much thanks to by always wonderful friend and beta, Doktor-Gonzo, and to anybody who takes the time to read and review this! **


	2. Assistant's Assistant

The mood in the offices of Stark tower changed dramatically since Tony had invited the mysterious June to the business. Sure, it had been on a whim; he had no idea what the woman meant to Steve, but he was curious. He found his answer when Steve finally allowed the event to happen, agreeing on Tony's invitation for a Wednesday morning meeting. Pepper wasn't as easy to allow his indiscretions go.

Tony anticipated her to be upset with him for the rest of the day, but as Monday evening slipped into Tuesday morning and she was nowhere to be found, he wondered if he had done something else to piss her off. After all, he had really only messed with Steve, not her. With the help of Jarvis, however, he tracked them both down, genuinely surprised by what he found in the CEO office.

Steve sat at Pepper's desk, and Tony could almost see the line of smoke coming off of his head as he concentrated on what Pepper was saying. Every few moments, Steve would touch the keyboard, his movements always delayed out of confusion.

"What's this?" Tony asked while keeping his usual smirk as Pepper ignored him. He stood next to the desk and stifled a laugh at Steve's frown. It seemed basic typing was like trigonometry to him, not that he knew what _that_ was either.

"A plan," Pepper answered sharply, her body moving as she gathered some paperwork into a nearby briefcase. "Steve needs an excuse as to why he's at Stark tower, and to why _Tony Stark_ knows him by name," she dictated, and her gaze finally meeting his, albeit more a glare than anything.

"Why can't he just tell the truth?" Tony responded, shrugging. While he was only _slightly_ joking, Pepper didn't humor him back.

"Oh yes, that would roll over nicely with Director Fury," she stood straight up, hands on her hips. "Hi June, I'm not just Steve Rogers, but I'm also Captain America, leader of '_The Avengers_'," she raised an eyebrow at her lover and sometimes boss, as if to taunt him.

"Hey now, _I'm_ the leader," he argued, ignoring her point.

"You owe him-"

"What? I did him a-"

"I'm right here," Steve interrupted and the two glanced over at his small pout. "I mean…" in the silence, he gulped before turning back to the computer screen. Even he was afraid of Pepper's wrath, even if she was fighting _for_ him. Tony flat out laughed, but fumbled as Pepper thrust the briefcase she had filled into his arms.

"Get dressed," she started, eyeing his jeans and _AC/DC_ t-shirt. "We have a meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters," she simply stated, walking back to her desk where she pulled on a suit jacket, offering no more of an explanation as she pressed her phone to her ear. "Pepper Potts speaking," she answered, rushing toward the office elevator. "I'll be waiting with Happy," was all she said before the silver doors closed behind her.

"She's happy," Tony remarked, hoping to get some sort of rise out of Steve. All the man did was eye him suspiciously and pretended to ignore him as well as he typed, extremely slowly. "What are you even doing?" Tony asked, changing the subject as he looked at the computer screen, laughing again at the _Wikipedia _page he had open on _June Carter_. "Researching?" he teased, only worsening the scowl Steve had been wearing since he entered the room.

"Mr. Stark," Jarvis suddenly called, practically saving Steve from more torture. "Miss Potts is calling," the electronic voice affirmed. "I suggest you not ignore her," Rolling his eyes, Tony turned to make his exit.

"Fine," he answered, but stole one last glance at Steve who would soon be alone in the office. "Just keep an eye on _Old Glory_,"

* * *

Clint Barton wandered the offices of the New York S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, his expression relaxed but mind racing. There was a lot to do in the city, with so much alien technology and corpses to collect, and yet he felt almost bored. So far, Fury couldn't determine any existing threat to the agency, let alone the _Avenger Initiative_ he had created. That news allowed Clint to relax, but as the rest of the team found other business to take care of, he found himself alone and out of ideas on how to entertain himself.

It was another day glancing through open case files, trying to find _anything_ that perked his interests. Sure, he was dying for some more action, but wasn't going to settle for anything _too_ easy. At first he had approached Fury firsthand, but after finding a closed door and a sharply dressed woman in the Director's waiting area, he knew it would be a long time before he would have something to do.

Instead of moving on, he sat across from the woman, who was busy tapping away on a small laptop, her lips pursed tightly as she typed. Clint continued to observe her work as he pretended to flip through his own files, even though he knew none of the cases he held in his hands were worth his effort. Growing more amused by her feverous typing, he lifted his head, making sure she noticed him staring from across the room.

"You one of Tony's?" he asked, smiling to himself as he guessed. Her clothes were far too nice to work for anybody else.

"Actually," she started, her keystrokes only slowing. "I am Miss Potts'," finally the woman stopped her work long enough to steal a glimpse of Clint. He would be lying if he didn't find her stare alluring, but it was too brief for him to form a true opinion of it. "I'm _her_ PA,"

Again her fingers clicked the keys in a lighting-speed pace, distracting him momentarily. He wanted to make conversation, but now he just wanted to pick her brain.

"You're new?" he inquired next. She took another small peek at him and breathed out. Clint raised an eyebrow, unsure if she was really that annoyed with him.

"Yes," she answered, flatly. He took her short answer as a challenge, and leaned back in his chair, never taking his eyes off her movements.

"Are you sure you can handle the infamous Mr. Stark?" he smirked. She still seemed unnerved, her gaze sticking to her computer.

"Again, I work for _Miss Potts_," she reiterated. Finally, she stopped her work as the voices inside Fury's office neared the door. Closing her laptop, she eyed him with devious delight. "Do not underestimate me," she smiled, and Clint clenched his teeth at her ferocity.

The Director's door opened then, and almost simultaneously, the assistant and Clint stood up, albeit her posture and belongings much more organized. She walked ahead with Pepper as she exited first, the woman just as refined. Clint couldn't resist watching the two walk away, admiring the way pencil skirts and expensive heels made the female posterior look.

"I hope you aren't staring at _my_ Pepper,"

Clint snapped his eyes to see Tony, eyeing him suspiciously. The silence didn't last long as the two shared a laugh and a handshake.

"I see you have a new assistant," Clint remarked, hoping to learn a little bit more about the tenacious female. Tony looked at him again with a careful eye.

"Don't you have some eggs to nest?" he joked, leaving Clint with a flat expression. "Or are you trying to _find_ some eggs to nest?"

"Your jokes are getting a little stale," Clint grumbled and dropped the entire situation mentally. Tony stepped past him and nodded at him once.

"I'll see you soon, bird brains,"

Nick Fury took Tony's place in the doorway and raised an eyebrow at Clint. He quickly handed the files he had borrowed from him back and gave him a determined stare.

"I need a new distraction,"

* * *

Tony kept a watchful eye on Pepper's expression the entire day as they travelled from meeting to meeting, and the more passive she stayed, the more worried he got. There was no feasible reason for her to stay this upset for so long and definitely nothing for her to gain. He began to think there was something else entirely wrong with Pepper that influenced her to treat him in such a manner. It wasn't even lunch time before Tony started tuning out the world, all his focus on how he was going to redeem himself, even though he wasn't quite sure what he had done wrong.

"_Alice,_"

Pepper's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he glanced to the women talking next to him in the estate car. She seemed to be speaking more with her new assistant, even upon matters that required Tony's opinion. He listened as Alice was told about the next day, and how she would not be needed thanks to Steve replacing her while June visited. The young woman shifted next to him and he sighed, already uncomfortable with how Pepper had purposely sat on the other side of her.

Happy took the detour Pepper instructed, and Tony watched the women again as they both shuffled out of the car, and shared a brief exchange before Pepper slid back in. She stayed right where she had been, on the far end of the backseat and only turned to Tony after his lingering stare finally wandered back to the window.

"What?" Pepper questioned softly, her body jerking slightly as Happy pulled the car back into traffic.

"Well _I _don't know," Tony shrugged, tilting his head against the headrest as he turned slightly towards her. "I thought apologizing to Steve would make you happy,"

"_Tony_," Pepper sighed and her hand moved to the bridge of her nose. Still, Tony caught the faintest hint of a smile. He guessed it was harder for her to stay focused on being mad when there was nobody else to talk to. Pepper realized he was reading her and rolled her eyes, effectively giving up. "You _never_ apologized to him," she raised an eyebrow, but allowed Tony to reach over and grip her hand.

"Come tomorrow, when he gets some action, I won't need to _apologize_," he chuckled when Pepper glared at him. "Can we stop using that word? I think I've reached my yearly quota for it," he added. Laughing some more, he linked their hands, preventing her from toying with her phone or paperwork.

"There is still a lot of work for you to do," Pepper reminded, her tone at last returning to its usual spunk. He curled his lips into a devious smile.

"Yeah, to _you_," he winked as Pepper sighed, ignoring his pass, even if it was just a joke. "Hey, I thought you didn't want to be my assistant anymore now that we're quote, unquote dating," he turned his body some more, as much as the seatbelt would allow, and watched Pepper finger some papers on her lap with her free hand.

"I don't think you can afford to lose me after what just happened," she whispered.

Tony struggled to understand just what she meant, and gulped at her soft voice. She wasn't mad, not anymore, but she seemed a little solemn. He tried to ignore the way his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach and cleared his throat, catching Pepper's attention.

"Can we at least have some fun tomorrow?" he pouted, pulling the little-kid act he knew Pepper adored just as much as she hated.

After failing in pursing her lips, she softly laughed, nodding her head. Tony smiled adoringly at her as he released her hand, allowing her to return to her scheduling. Still watching, he leaned into his seat and got comfortable for the long commute back to Stark tower. It wasn't like he minded though; with his view, they could drive forever and he would never get bored.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading! And as always, thanks to my wonderful beta/friend Doktor-Gonzo**


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